Suppose you just don’t love your spouse any more. Suppose, too, that one or both of you have ‘moved on’ in terms of relationships. Or…thinking of cheating on your spouse, but don’t necessarily want to end the marriage? Given the current recession, they may not want to end it, either. Recent surveys of divorce and separation rates in the U.S. and U.K. reveal that money pressures—normally a force that accelerates marital splits—are causing couples in all stages of pre- and post- marital separation to continue to live together. Even to delay divorce.
When no-longer-in-lovers find new sources of spiritual, emotional, and romantic happiness, divorce and separation of household usually ensues. But this is (temporarily, at least) a different world. “Honey, I’ve moved on,” doesn’t necessarily mean, “Honey, I’m moving out,” in this economy. Does this mean it’s a good (as in: low risk to the marriage) time to have an affair? No, but there are some economic lessons in the practical management of love, marriage, and divorce that the current recession has brought to light.
The financial consequences of separation and divorce are significant enough in good times. And single heads of household—particularly female single heads of household—continue to have an exceptionally difficult financial challenge, including greater incidence of poverty, than do females in intact households. But of course this isn’t a particularly good economy. June, 2009 unemployment rates in Michigan, highest in the nation at present, were a scary 15.4 percent. North Carolina’s June, 2009 unemployment rate was 11.2 percent. The Standard & Poor’s national index of home prices shows first-quarter 2009 home prices back at about the 2002 level. The bottom line is the bottom line—in the opinion of many observers, a fairly spectacular drop in housing market prices, starting in 2007, is driving some contradictory trends among couples.
Why opposite trends? Money troubles are, hands down, the biggest single cause of marital strife and divorce (according to divorce attorneys). Reports show that right now many couples are either postponing divorce, or divorcing and continuing to live under the same roof. It seems that economic drivers are sometimes more persuasive than marriage counselors. So for the moment, the money question may trump love (or hate, or simple boredom).
The two phenomena—slowing divorce rates and a decline in the number of physical households separating—even among those who are already ex-spouses—aren’t limited to the United States. Reports from the U.K. reveal similar trends. The financial burden of becoming a single head of household, or custodial spouse where there are children, or just the cost of trying to replicate dual-income living standards for newly single ex-spouses have increased significantly over the past 12-18 months there, as here. Declining home sale prices are also the prime cause. When a couple’s single most valuable asset declines in market value there are many fewer walk-away dollars to divide for separate living expenses. And as the recent seller of a property (glad to be homeless in NY, at last) at a market price down by about 35 percent from its heyday value, I can empathize. And I’m not contemplating divorce or separation of household (cue husband). If I were contemplating a big change in marital status, the economic reality might give me pause.
In difficult economic times, people very often settle for second-best solutions to all variety of budget problems. Tough choices concerning jobs and spending are needed and should be expected. But relatively unexpected developments in the heart department—love, marriage, divorce—are even tougher, since they are rarely cut-and-dried.
Driven more by economic necessity than by preference, hanging on to a car or a home or a job or a spouse that you’d prefer to quit all fall into the same big economic basket. We’re constantly required to sort priorities and consequences in an attempt to re-order the unruly mess. Though impersonal, markets actually help that prioritizing process occur.
And one final thought: are tight economic times also working in reverse—pushing couples toward premature decisions to marry or to double up on housing, just to save a buck? Haven’t looked at the evidence so far, but I’m guessing it’s a somewhat safe bet.