Opinion

A call to abolish white people and other outrageous stories

Below are a few of the stories that caught my attention this week. At the Carolina Liberty Conference, we heard from Seth Dillon of the Babylon Bee. Dillon had a great line from his speech, saying, “It is very difficult to parody a world that is a parody of itself.” The stories below aren’t satire,...

Ray Nothstine
Opinion

PARODY: Citing Duke loss, Rams Club wants H.B. 2 expanded

CHAPEL HILL — Some UNC-Chapel Hill boosters think they have found a surefire way to return the Tar Heel men’s basketball team to dominance among its Triangle competitors. They’re urging boosters in other Atlantic Coast Conference states to push for laws resembling the recently repealed House Bill 2, Carolina Journal has learned. “Want to beat...

CJ Staff
Opinion

PARODY: UNC study leads to cancellation of football programs

Moved to action by a recently published study from UNC-Chapel Hill professor Andrew Reynolds, football coaches at colleges and universities across North Carolina — with a few exceptions — have asked the NCAA to dissolve their football programs and shift funding and resources to basketball. The study ranked North Carolina’s college football programs at a...

CJ Staff
Opinion

PARODY: Lawmakers consider clown licensing

Responding to the nationwide rise of creepy clown sightings, state lawmakers soon will consider licensing clowns. The proposed law would require county sheriffs to accept applications, perform background checks, and issue clown licenses. Under the program, which would go into effect March 31, licensees would be issued a certified clown badge that must be visible...

CJ Editors

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Opinion

PARODY FLASHBACK: ACC plans move to Bristol, Conn., as response to H.B. 2

Editor’s note: With the announcement that the NCAA will move seven national championship events from North Carolina because House Bill 2 remains part of state law, and the Atlantic Coast Conference considering its own response, we chose to repeat an eerily prescient parody from the August 2016 print edition of Carolina Journal.  Vowing not to be outmaneuvered by...

CJ Staff
Opinion

PARODY: ABC trucks to address N.C. ‘booze deserts’

The Legislative Research Commission’s Committee on Booze Desert Zones recently concluded that nearly 28.3 percent of North Carolinians lack adequate access to hard liquor. To remedy this, the legislative commission has recommended that a state-run fleet of trucks traveling through alcohol-deprived areas selling bottles of state-controlled hooch may be the best way to alleviate the presence...

CJ Staff
Opinion

PARODY: Raleigh Officials Seek Vibrancy Regulations from U.N.

In an effort to impose still more outdoor dining regulations on Raleigh’s restaurant and bar owners, Mayor Nancy McFarlane, along with city council member Russ Stephenson, took a café tour in late February on the streets of Paris to note the sidewalk seating standards of Europe’s most vibrant city. The two city officials were stunned by...

CJ Staff
Opinion

PARODY: Rural Center Launches ‘10-Point Emergency Action Plan’

RALEIGH — Increased legislative and media scrutiny of the N.C. Rural Economic Development Center has pushed center President Billy Ray Hall to begin implementing an "emergency action plan" in hopes of keeping the center open and retaining his $221,000-per-year job.

CJ Staff