Wreck the malls
Wreck the malls! Now this is funny!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
’Tis the season to raise money
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Raise we now our sales-tax rates! Whee!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Yuletide dough for us — and not thee
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Here we come a-tax-raisin’
Here we come a-tax-raisin’
Among the sales so green;
Here we come a-countin’ on
The rev’nue to be seen.
We’ll get ours; heck with you
And your merry Christmas too.
May God bless you and send you a Happy New Year,
Yes, you’re gonna need a miracle this year.
Carol of the Pols
Hark how the pols,
Brash, brazen pols,
All seem to say
More tax our way
(Ching!) Christmas is near
(Ching!) Bringing good cheer
(Ching!) To counties here
(Ching!) Sales taxes dear
Oh how they ring
Cash regist’ring
O’er hill and dale,
Ringing their sales!
Gaily they ring
With folks shopping
Christmas is here —
Early this year!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!
More, more they raise
These are the days!
Their joyful toll
To every pol
Ching-ching! Ching-ching!
Ching-ching!
I saw sales taxes
I saw sales taxes sailing up,
At Christmas time, at Christmas time;
As if recession weren’t enough,
At Christmas time in the counties.
O come, all ye people
O come, all ye people,
Come ye to the county stores
O come ye, and stay away from
Amazon.com
Stay off the Internet
And those tax-free online sites!
Come on, give us some money;
Come on, give us some money;
Oh please give us some money
Through tax revenues!
Go, blow it out your eardrum
Go, blow it out your eardrum,
Get out of my office, off my phone,
Stop tying up my fax line,
That sales-tax hike is done!
Grandma got run over by a tax hike
Grandma got run over by a tax hike
Shopping for our presents Christmas Eve.
You can say we got our gifts regardless
But as for me and Grandpa, we got squat.
Nuttin’ for Christmas
We’re gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
Easley and the legislature were bad.
We’re gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas
‘Cause we ain’t been nuttin’ but had.
I saw Commies taxing Santa Claus
I saw Commies taxing Santa Claus
(OK, that’s hyperbole, I grant)
They didn’t seem to care
That recession’s everywhere;
They voted a tax hike right at Christmas
Just to up their share
So
I say Commies have taxed Santa Claus
‘Cause who else would try that stunt these days?
Oh what a laugh it would have been
If Christmas would have happened
Not after Election Day, but prior!
What tax is this?
What tax is this, that, voted in,
In December was active?
Why do we hail a hike on sales
While pennies folks are counting?
This, this is ludicrous
To raise taxes at Christmas!
Haste, haste to have their heads,
The dolts who voted for this!
The 13* Days of Christmas
On the thirteenth* day of Christmas
My commissioners gave to me
— Thirteen sorry excuses
— Twelve made-up stats
— Eleven loads of B.S.
— Ten dudes a-fibbin’
— Nine questions dodgin’
— Eight bucks a-passin’
— Seven furtive glances
— Six whines a-whinin’
— Five blatant lies!
— Four mild whoppers
— Three nervous coughs
— Two governors bashed
And a sales tax increase on my gifts!
* Reflects “seasonal adjustment.”