RALEIGH – With North Carolina’s legislative session scheduled to begin in a couple of days, the end of the school year a few weeks after that, and a runoff primary in late June, there are many vexing issues and serious news stories to which my column-writing energies could be directed.
Which is why it is just the right moment for political anagrams.
Longtime Carolina Journal Online readers may remember that some years ago, in response to the proliferation of anti-Bush wordplay, I decided to mine the keen insights and comedic potential inherent in the exercise of rearranging the letters of my own name and that of my employer.
Now, mind you, this was not intended as a time-waster. CJO readers are important to us. Never would we mistreat them. If you’ll give it the merest wait, I’ll demonstrate the value of the exercise.
Consider, for example, some of the revealing discoveries of past anagramming efforts. It is most telling that my full name, including the McDonald, converts to John Hood: Damn Cold. It’s also significant that John Locke Foundation can be rearranged as Hood junk-finance tool or flout Jedi hook cannon (something Sith Lords do only at great personal peril).
But enough about me and mine. There are other insights to be gleaned here.
Take Secretary of State Elaine Marshall. She was the top vote-getter in last week’s Democratic race for U.S. Senate. But she fell short of the 40 percent mark needed to clinch the nomination outright. Some might have audibly gasped at the electoral implication, but Marshall has been through many campaigns and, no doubt, managed a smaller inhale. Instead, she flashed her best arena-hall smile and headed back out on the trail.
However her campaign team decides to proceed, I’m guessing that one of their strategies won’t be to hire lean llamas. The chubby ones can carry more.
As for her runoff opponent, former state Sen. Cal Cunningham, it isn’t fair to accuse him or his team of staying in the race merely to score more dollars from out-of-state donors for personal gain. They’re not a munching clan. They believe him to be the strongest nominee for the fall. But you can understand why Marshall supporters aren’t impressed. “Calm, cunning – ha!” they say of Cunningham.
All North Carolina Democrats are a bit nervous about their political prospect this year. In addition to lingering public disaffection about the economy, bailouts, ObamaCare, and other matters, Democratic Gov. Beverly Perdue continues to attract limited support. Conservatives are inclined to think that while most governors aren’t doing so hot in the polling department these days, Perdue is particularly weak because of her decision to propose tax increases last year. If North Carolina were India, they’d say the taxpayers were very rupee-bled.
Others have alternative explanations for Perdue’s current woes. Some of the wilder versions are, if I may say so, very [bleep] rude.
Whatever the cause of the problem, perhaps the Democratic Party under state chairman David Young will be able to improve the situation. My impression is that Young is far from a vain odd guy unwilling to take one for the team or do whatever it takes to accomplish the goal. Nor is he disagreeable – I hear that when people bring good ideas to him, he is an avid nod guy.
His state GOP counterpart, Thomas Fetzer, has a different role to play this year. As national and state trends continue to bode well for Republican candidates, Fetzer has to be the tzar of themes, as it were – creating an overall reform message that knits together the various campaigns and issues. Fetzer is where Young’s counterpart was four years ago: in a situation where the usual political arithmetic about safe districts and potential gains don’t seem to apply. One might call it a zero-math fest.
At this point, a sharp-eyed reader will have noticed that I have not yet mentioned the name of the Republican senator Marshall and Cunningham would like to replace: Richard Mauze Burr. That’s because the luck of the anagrammatic draw isn’t there for his name. It would take a writer of far greater wit than I possess to riff effectively on Burr: Cerium Hazard or hurried rumba-czar.
And don’t you think it would be gauche of me to use both alternative spellings of the Russian corruption of “Caesar” to describe Republican politicians?
Hood is president of the John Locke Foundation.